Quick Request!

Does anyone know of any decent chat sites other than babblesex? If so can you leave the link below or mail me :) thanks so much.

Red.

Chat Room Etiquette #2 - Roleplaying

Preface - To any idiots who think this is another man bash, I'm only using a male voice to illustrate my points here as I play only with men and mainly men read this blog. A man editted this and enjoyed reading it. So no fucktard comments on it PLEASE!

Red.


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So you've taken my great advice and got yourself a good profile full of interesting and amusing things about yourself, a harmless image and a solid nickname. And what’s more, a girl has actually replied to your message! Yay! Go you! I *knew* you could do it.

But now what? What are you actually here for? Obviously you're not about to start demanding this good lady to call you or display herself on a webcam. And you're certainly too gallant to suggest that she meet a perfect stranger she’s talked to online for all of 8 minutes. So what are your options?

Well firstly there's having an actual conversation. You know, the kind you can hold with almost anyone? I'm gonna take a huge leap of faith and assume y'all know how to talk like, well, like normal everyday people. (Ed – That is a massive assumption on your part, there’s a reason they’re on Babble :P)

Then there's discussing shared sexual experiences or hopes for future encounters. These can be fun, but, more often than not, when I've been drawn into these kinds of discussions I've felt like I'm doing most of the work. The guy usually just sitting there, reading and grunting away as I regale to him most wittily about that time with the soapy frogs and the umbrella...

Next we have "cyber". I'm not really sure what cyber, or cybersex actually is. Is it the same as roleplay? I've no idea. Generally I tend to see it as just describing sexual acts with no other details involved.

E.g. “Then I stick in it. Mmm.”

*snore*

The difference between cyber and roleplaying, I guess, comes down to plot and scenario. Cyber, to me, is less imaginative and allows a lot less scope for more unusual scenes or activities. (There is one exception to this for me personally, and they hopefully know who they are!)

So roleplaying... Where to start....

I know, we'll pretend you paid like £20 for the following and it has a bright yellow cover and vaguely insults you even as you hand over the cash....

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Roleplaying For Dummies

• What is a roleplay?

According to Wikipedia (natch), RP "is where partners take parts in a drama with a strong sexual theme. These might include a teacher and pupil scenario, or an employer and maid, boss and secretary, besides other scenarios. These are common in ... anonymous forms of Cybersex." Hm. Interesting. (sic)

• But I can't roleplay, can I? I've had little-to-no training.

Anyone can roleplay, it's easy! You just need a good imagination and the ability to read and process words. Imagination is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the better it becomes.

• I have no imagination! I need ideas! What are the most common roleplays?

I'd say the most common roles I've played and seen played would include things such as:

- Teacher/Student

- Best friends

- Girl + Girl's sister's boyfriend (don't ask me!?)

- Neighbours (zzz zzz zzz)

- Celebrity Roles

- Historical Roles (e.g. Knight & Princess)

• Those all seem kinda tame... doesn't it get any kinkier?!

Well of course! Alongside those we have such things as:

- Incest Roles (Daddy/Daughter, Mum/Son, Siblings etc)

- Master/Slave (or Mistress)

- Futanari (Look it up, I'm not going there...)

- Force/Coercion/Rape

- Age play roles

- etc etc.

• That's a whole lot of choice! Should I agree to do anything she asks?

Good god, NO! First work out what you like and what turns you on. Then if you're lucky enough to be asked about your fantasies, reply promptly and shamelessly with what you're into. There is nothing worse than talking to a self-professed lover of roleplay only to be told he'll do "anything". This generally results in me claiming to be turned on by man/dog-gay-love. Or amputee-false-limb-invasion-of-man-holes. The word "anything" can get you to somewhere you didn't wanna go if you say it at the wrong time. Be warned!

Work out your limits. I have two sets of limits, some strict, some I'll let slide. On the strict side I will never do roles involving impregnation – cos imagining peeing a lil every time I cough for the rest of my life and 18 years of giving pocket money does little for me. Also I won't do scat (poo-related things). There are a few others too. It's not that I think there's anything wrong with any fantasy fetish (note the word fantasy there), but these things simply do not bring out a sexual reaction in me. Learn what you like and be proud of it!

• I just RP'd with someone who went "Slurp Slurp Slurp" at me. This seems lame...

Sadly this actually happened to a friend of mine while he was playing with a lady. And it is lame. Very lame. If your partner resorts to saying things such as that or phrases along the lines of "harder harder, faster faster", then send them to this page so they feel the shame they so richly deserve. We'll see some better examples below.

• So how do I actually "play"? Won't most of it be action based?

Yep. Well done you're learning fast. Have a celebratory wank. Just a lil one....

...that's enough.

Hopefully the chat site you're in will allow you to do actions. On one site, for instance, if you type "/me jumps", it will read "Fantasy Red jumps". Although whatever your name is, not mine. This will allow you to type your actions out in a better manner. If this isn't a feature of where you play, then I tend to put stars around my action to separate them from my speech in the game. *Jumps*. It's not as good, but oh well. *Curses*.

• Who starts? How do we start?

Generally when I play, because I know what I'm doing, I will enter a longish paragraph detailing myself, my looks, my dress, my location and my activity. For instance, a schoolgirl/teacher scene might start like this:

“Fantasy Red is in her school uniform, sat at her desk, flicking her long pigtails in boredom as she waits for her teacher to return as she sits in detention. Her long legs stretched out from under her obscenely short skirt, her clearly braless breasts tightly wrapped in her too-small blouse.”

It sets up quite enough to have a start to the scene, extra details about underwear, body parts can be put in as and when the time is right for them. Example:

“Fantasy Red feels so bad as her teacher rips open her blouse, exposing her small pert breasts, with their dark pink nipples sticking out so hard. She lifts her skirt showing that she was also pantiless as well as braless.”

Etc etc. Not my best work, but we don't need any distractions.

• Can I ask you to have bigger boobies as we play?

You can ask, but I'll feel quite insulted if you do. I do like some modicum of reality to enter into the situation despite its fantastical nature. If you're asking me to have insanely large breasts or proclaiming you've a 2 foot penis, then the fantasy is broken for me. Keep it grounded in reality in terms of physics and plausibility. Unless you're doing some weird-ass magic/sci-fi scene – if that's the case then the sky's the limit!

• So saying "then I put my dick in your gash" is sexy?

You're new to this blog aren't you?

• Wha?

Of course it's not sexy! It's up there with “slurp slurp slurp”. Silly boy. You didn't deserve that wank before at all! Give it back... Actually, keep it for now...

Let's take that god-awful line you said and try it with some more imagination.

Poor line "then I put my dick in your gash"

Good line “…takes his cock in his hand, feeling harder than he’s ever done before and rubs it slowly along your wetness. Teasing and taunting you with the promise of being filled, the head between your slick lips, you can feel me throb. I slip the head into the hole, feeling you so tight around me. I feel I might burst right there. But I continue to slide it in, oh so slowly, each inch making you desperate for more.”

Ok mine needs a little work, but I think you can see the difference. Imagine how it feels, how you move, what you want, what you want *them* to feel. Be thoughtful and detailed.

• How much detail is too much?

Well if you mention cellulite or trapped wind then you've gone too far. Way too far.

Seriously tho, my simple rule is usually to trade a few lines at a time, depending on your typing speed. Enough to keep the scene moving, but not too much to keep the other person waiting too long. If I can check my mail between my reply and yours, then you're taking too long and I'll end up playing Tetris or something, unless what they've put is so good I can read it over and over... But do read and take into account what they have said and give them time to say it.


Finally, say all you need to say before you hit ‘Enter’, or else they might start a reply only to have you change the direction with a new line before they send what they have. This gets very aggravating.

• How soon can I sex my partner?

This depends on the people involved. Personally I usually like a long build up til the sex, setting a scene, dialogue, flirting, bringing me to the boil. Anticipation can be sexier than the dirty talk. If you've pulled out your cock in the first 5 minutes then my interest wanes. Let it build naturally. There are exceptions tho.

• I forgot what we talked about earlier... can you recap.

Ok, but only once. So listen:

1. Find a partner you share interests with.
2. Be honest and open.
3. Use the ‘/me’ function or similar for actions if you can.
4. Set a scene you both like.
5. Be descriptive but don't turn each reply into a novel.
6. Read what they've put.
7. Don't jump to the end game too soon.

• OK I'm "done", can I go clean my keyboard and my immortal soul now?

If she has orgasmed too, then great. Say your goodbyes and thank yous and go fetch the Kleenex and your rosary. If not, keep on going til she's finished. Personally I like to know when I've made a guy orgasm as he does it, even if it does interrupt the fantasy.

• What happens if I need to speak outside the roleplay scenario, won't that break the mood?

If you need to discuss something real quick, mid-role, then I tend to use brackets to show that it's me talking to the other person, rather than my character talking to theirs. It's not vital, but to me it helps create the space to play in.

• OMG so so many rules! This seems hard work...

Honestly, it’s not, most of this is common sense and realising that the person at the other end is real and not some computer RPG character. They have likes and aims too.

• Wow! After reading this I *so* wanna stick my dick in *your* gash, can I RP with YOU?

Doubtful. I have a select group of people I play with, whose standards are high and who know what they're doing. If you're this new then I'd tired of you quickly I'm sure... Go practice!

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Now you're prepared for the exciting world of RP, keep both hands on the keyboard at all times.... only joking!

Red.

Chat Room Etiquette #1 - First Contact

 I've had a few people suggest that I write a chat room "guide", as it were, what to do, what not to do etc. So I'm gonna give it a try, though it will possibly (probably!) end up as a massive man-rant. Remember tho this is just my personal view and isn't gospel. Please bear in mind I do not go into these places to attract women, I just can tell you what *I* like! If any guy reading this wants to write a corresponding piece about the rubbish things women do whilst chatting, mail me.




EDIT:
DUE TO RECENT RETARDITY (see below) THIS IS A DISCLAIMER. THIS IS NOT A HATE FILLED DIATRIBE JUST A GENTLE PISS TAKE. IF IT OFFENDS YOU ASK WHY BEFORE JUST ATTACKING ME. TY




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• I've been thinking of nick names for a new chat site I found. 

Well that's great news, something amusing and imaginative I hope.

• Yes! It's between OohWhatABigOne or CamGuyNoLimits.

Are you for real? I'd think a bit harder if I were you. Remember, you are a book and your nickname is your cover.


You *will* be judged by your nick and it can be hard work to impress someone if you've a poor nick name. It sums up who you are and why you're on the chat-site in the first place, it gives an indication of your imagination and your style.


Bad nick names generally are crude nicknames such as the ones above. They all cry out desperation and self obsessiveness, they say you're the type of guy who'll be vanished from your bed (screen) 2 seconds after they've come. Any name which speaks about the size of your manhood is, basically, lame. The size of your cock does me no good on a pc screen, it doesn't show that you can talk erotically and make me excited with your words, with your mind.

• So putting the word 'cam' in my name won't make me a babe magnet?

No way! Most girls don't wanna see cams, some do I guess, but cocks are not pretty to look at and blurry fists even less so. More on this later.

• Well what if I'm tiny down there? Can I mention that?

Urgh, just as bad as the "big boys" are the guys who want to tell you about how *small* they are down there. Either way guys, the size of your cock matters little to me in a chat room and if your name implies you're going to talk about yourself at length (as it were...) then I'll probably not reply to even the nicest message. It's a cruel world and ratios in chat rooms are *always* in a girls favour.  I care nothing for your penis - only your mind. (Insert your own thinking with your cock joke here).

• So what *will* work?!

The nick names I respond to best, tho there are exceptions, are ones which have some wit or subtly about them. Literary references always catch my eye as do surreal or downright strange names. Even just your real name is better than some crude nick. Guys with overtly sexual names scream desperation, and yes I know its different for girls, the sexier the name the more popular she is!

• Now it's asking me to put up a photo... help!

Yup, lots of sex chat sites now are more like social networking sites, where you can make a profile and put in a picture or two to show what a hot bitch or massive stud you are. *sigh*

• I bet you'd like to see my cock up there, that'd make you wet right?

Make me heave more likely. Nearly every message or mail I get comes with its very own picture of a penis. Some hard, some soft, some hairy, some shaven, some in panties, some in briefs. Some even in mouths or vaginas. Some in jars of mayo... now that's just wrong. And some are just strange, like a half decaying slug from the bottom of the garden... some of these pictures might entertain me greatly, but not how you think they will....


Don't get me wrong I love cocks. I adore their touch, their taste, the way they throb, the slickness of the head, the firmness of the shaft and I adore the skin of a guy's balls. I wrote a lil poem to best explain it:

Cocks are great to grab on,

Cocks are great to suck on,

But one thing that cocks are not,

Is that great to look on.

They're not that pretty guys, one in maybe 50 is worth a gander, maybe not even that. I can understand why you don't wanna put your faces up there, but that doesn't mean I wanna see your body, especially if it's gross. This goes for watching cams too. Chatrooms = fantasy. Let me imagine you. PLEASE!

• Well I don't wanna show my face, you don't wanna see my cock... how about I just steal a picture off the internet of a studmuffin?

You're kinda slow aren't you? We know when you do this guys. We can tell a false picture. *Easily*. The lighting, the pose, the sheer quality of the picture proclaims that it's not you and it's some porno star or a male model. Also, what's a major muffin like "you" doing in a place like this?! If do this and get called on it, just admit it, because frankly it's better to cut your losses with a rueful grin than end up looking like a fool who's that divorced from reality.


Also if you encounter the girl of your dreams there and you arrange a real life date, what will she think when she expects the love child of Brad Pitt & George Clooney, and you turn up looking more like the bastard offspring of Jabba the Hutt and that guy from town who drinks white spirits for breakfast?

• So what *do* I do for an image?!

Again, I'd go for someone who has a stupid/cute picture, or even just a normal picture which I'd have no problems showing to my mother. She's quite the prude you know... If you wanna remain secretive, then that's utterly cool, just leave it blank or find a funny image. No porn tho, that's just silly. Like your nick, find an image which speaks for you, something you're into or that you find amusing. I wanna *smile* when i see a profile pic for a guy, not be put off my food.

• Maybe this is just your opinion, my cock's *so* great, you must be a lesbian.

Nope, didn't you see the poem?! Nearly every woman I've heard on this subject agrees with this view. So take note and get that cock out of my face!

• Now I have to fill in a profile?! I'm too lazy...

Don't dismiss this bit, this is the key area. Instead of fiddling with your penis and your Kodak, spend the time on a profile instead.  I know it can be annoying, I've always hated them. A lot. It's like standing up in class and declaring that you like trainspotting and Marmite. Actually I adore Marmite...

But here for the first time, I appreciate some indication about a guys sexual preferences and interests, it enables me to decide if we've enough in common to bother talking/playing. But some nonsexual info is also greatly appreciated, just to show that you're a well rounded person and don't spend 24/7 with your hand in your y-fronts.

• So I should tell you everything?

No, I don't want a life history, but if you're shy and find it hard to talk, then put something on there which will help me start up a conversation. Whether it be that you like bdsm or that you write poetry, spent a year underwater living with an octopus or even just that you're a builder. Just *something*.

• Nah I'm just gonna leave the whole thing blank... way too lazy.

Blank profiles = lack of imagination/confidence = lack of my interest. Again the site ratio will favour me, due to my ownership of boobs and a vagina.

• I've always fancied being a lesbian even tho I'm a dude. Can I do that?

Well, there are at least a few "girls" in every chat room who have willies, so you won't be alone. You'll probably find that the only other 'girls' who'll talk to you will be dudes as well, which is kinda karmic maybe. Usually I can spot a male 'girl' within 20 seconds of chatting, but if that floats your boat, then its cool with me, but like false pics, if I call you on it, then be man enough to admit you're not a woman. Then we can talk.

• Ok I've spent actual *minutes* making my profile, I'm logged in. Now what?

Well now you talk to someone.  Either talk in a main room with everyone, or if the room allows uninvited personal messages, then start looking around for someone who looks interesting.

• But what do I say then?!

You really never went to a special school? Hmm... 


Fine. Here are some quick and easy rules regarding first contact. 

1. If I have a profile then READ it before you bother me. You might be too old/young for me. I might be lesbian, I may be only there to chat and not to play. You may be my dad. I might be yours!
2. Make sure I actually have a picture up before you tell me I have nice breasts/face/ass.
3. If I do have a picture up then I've been told about my hotness/sexiness/nudity a million times.
4. If I have no images up in a place where its possible to do so, then don't ask that I send you some within 4 nanoseconds. Go google boobies. Then go google "women are people too"
5. Do not mention the words cam, phone or meet.
6. I can tell if you're copying and pasting the same opening line to every woman in there.
7. If I have a name with something like "naughty" in it, then do not ask how naughty I am etc. Every nick has an obvious opening line for the guy. We've heard them *all* before.
8. Do not tell me you're coming up behind me. Why do so many guys start with this? If you came up behind me irl, then you're gonna get a heel in your foot. Foot if you're lucky.
9. Do not send me your messenger address. EVER. I forward them to gay forums.
10. Use at least vaguely correct English. "hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" or "hru" are both just lame. I don't speak 'wasssssssup' nor do I speak lazy.

• They all seem sensible enough rules. Do many people do all those things then?

Just 90% of guys.

• I'm just gonna say "hi", if she's interested in me, she'll reply.

You're really not comprehending the concepts I'm attempting to get across are you? You're main aim is to not look too dull/obsessive/pervy/insane. Just saying 'hi' and leaving it at that falls firmly into the dull category. So many guys just say hi or hello or hey, then nothing. It makes me suspect that you're gonna be hard work to talk to.

• Wow, with all this no wonder you seemed pissy when I messaged you.

Yup.

• So what *is* a good opening line? 

Well, I respond very favourably to something along the lines of "hey how are you, my name's Adam, I liked your profile especially the bit about your blog, I'm into BDSM. Are you free to chat or play?"

• I said exactly that, even though I'm called Dominic and I'm into feet! Now she's not replying!!

Do remember the ratio guys. Girls are usually flooded with messages, mostly from real jerks, if we do not reply its not that you're inept or ugly or dull, its that we're most likely to busy to field all of you. 

• But she ignored me, hurting my poor lil ego. I want revenge! Grr!

If a girl says busy or ignores you, do *NOT* tell her that she's ugly, that she deserves to catch AIDS and die, and so on, as this may cause offence and, sometimes, tears. This happens more than you'd think. 


Remember when you talk to a chick in a chatroom she's had to probably deal with all of the bad examples I've mentioned above, so if she seems a bit fed up with messages, don't blame her, blame the other guys in there.

We're people just like you. Admittedly we're smarter, nicer, more open and hotter people. But people all the same... we go to chat, sometimes to play, we don't go to chat sites to be insulted, degraded or abused. 'cept in the good way... once you have permission...

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Next week - Guide to Roleplaying!

Red.

Plea!

Does anyone know of any good chatrooms, other than babble? It's down AGAIN! Grrr!

Rant - Worst. Chat. Site. Ever.

So babble was being babble. First time I try and log on in a couple of days and it's down. Lots of error messages flying at me when I try to get in...

....and me all horny and capable of pretty much anything...

So, in desperation, in hope of finding a playmate I head into the deep unknowns of internet chat sites. Since the last place I went to alot disappeared I've mainly used babble for my recreation. But today I would have to metaphorically get my coat on and go looking for a new place to rest my sexy ass.

So after a few false starts I wind up here : http://www.xxxchatters.com/chat.html. Don't bother checking it out, tho I'm sure you will, but it sucks ass. And not in a good way ;)

Every single guy I spoke to on there was unbelievably lame. The only guy who was remotely intelligent had a way of not answering the most basic of questions without 10 minutes of cross questioning first. I felt like a sex gestapo officer. Which really didn't help set a mood. Especially when I finally did get an answer, it turns out he was the raindrops on roses whiskers on kittens type and therefore so not my sort at all.

The dumbest question I got was probably "what are you here for" - my reply that I seeking enlightenment on the effects of globalisation on third world economies didn't go down so well. He accused me of pedantry. I pedantically replied that my previous answer employed only sarcasm. He went soon after. One guy seemed upset that I was in my joggers and jumper and not a basque, stockings and heels. A third was easily defeated by replying "a girl" in response to his questioning of my appearance.

That, I'm afraid was the highlight of my time there. Amid the usually kinds of offers to see guys cumming on cam and to spank various body sections of people.

Sidenote - Why do people assume I'm domme, can't someone who's not a domme get ragey without proclivities (got that right first time I might add) being brought into the equation? Bah!

So I guess the lesson here is never to stray too far from home even if you're desperate for something to play with, cos you just know it's gonna be worse than what you already have, even if what you have is a big shit sometimes.

Red.

Endnote - If certain volcanoes are keeping certain members of teaching staff away from work, perhaps schools should let their students know *before* they get up at 7am to wash their hair for school. I'm just saying...

Chat Now On Site!

Hi guys, just to let you know I've been messing around with some chat applications over the last few days and I've dumped that silly tiny chat room I used like... *once* and I've stuck in a chat application on this site. Oooh, I know. Go *me*!

So if you look at the top of the page, there's a set of links, like home, about, and a chat one too. It's just a wee widget tho, so I'm not sure how it will work really. Or if I'll ever use it  cept in emergencies. But hey ho. that diverted me for about 15 minutes anyways. Perhaps all my fans could get together there and praise me. It's only a suggestion. You don't *have* to...

Red.

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Update - chat seems to be utter shite.

Insanity Chat & Other Stuff

I am so wired thru lack of sleep right now it's kinda insane. I got hooked in my fav chat room (you know who you are!) for like 15 hours or something ridiculous just hanging and chatting. Mainly about this blog. So now I'm blogging about chatting about blogging. If someone talks to me about this post in a chat will I somehow cease to exist? If so, can I borrow a fiver now? Ta.

Let's hope not tho, I like existing most of the time.

So I'm wired but tired. Wi-Ti! No, cos that's incredibly shit.

Hey it's not all gold dust and pearls you know?

So the point of this was to say I have a face book. Which I loathe and am only using it to try and get a few more people here, before they kick my sexy ass right off there for something or other. I don't know the link of it, but my name there had to be Red Fantasi in the end. If you're on facebook and have no shame then add my skinny ass and make me feel even more loved. Also no-one is getting my tweets. *sob*

Oh yeah I'm synergising.

Urgh. *vom*

But anyways, now I'm looking like I can't spell, cos facebook is the digital equivalent china. Yay for that dumbass global phenomenon. When things get big they get worse.

Cept cocks n boobies.

Also I fucked up my blog name AGAIN, which is getting embarrassing now. Fantasy RED. FANTASY red.

Anyway as I was winding up chatting previous to all this, having a nice lil roleplay involving some canes and more than a few tears and the such like, and I was on the verge of a nicely teased and held back orgasm which I'd been nurturing for a few hours on and off, the site goes down just as the tide started to rise. How annoying is that?! And sorry to whoever I was playing with that I didn't go back. I might have been trapped forever...