Chat Room Etiquette #2 - Roleplaying

Preface - To any idiots who think this is another man bash, I'm only using a male voice to illustrate my points here as I play only with men and mainly men read this blog. A man editted this and enjoyed reading it. So no fucktard comments on it PLEASE!

Red.


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So you've taken my great advice and got yourself a good profile full of interesting and amusing things about yourself, a harmless image and a solid nickname. And what’s more, a girl has actually replied to your message! Yay! Go you! I *knew* you could do it.

But now what? What are you actually here for? Obviously you're not about to start demanding this good lady to call you or display herself on a webcam. And you're certainly too gallant to suggest that she meet a perfect stranger she’s talked to online for all of 8 minutes. So what are your options?

Well firstly there's having an actual conversation. You know, the kind you can hold with almost anyone? I'm gonna take a huge leap of faith and assume y'all know how to talk like, well, like normal everyday people. (Ed – That is a massive assumption on your part, there’s a reason they’re on Babble :P)

Then there's discussing shared sexual experiences or hopes for future encounters. These can be fun, but, more often than not, when I've been drawn into these kinds of discussions I've felt like I'm doing most of the work. The guy usually just sitting there, reading and grunting away as I regale to him most wittily about that time with the soapy frogs and the umbrella...

Next we have "cyber". I'm not really sure what cyber, or cybersex actually is. Is it the same as roleplay? I've no idea. Generally I tend to see it as just describing sexual acts with no other details involved.

E.g. “Then I stick in it. Mmm.”

*snore*

The difference between cyber and roleplaying, I guess, comes down to plot and scenario. Cyber, to me, is less imaginative and allows a lot less scope for more unusual scenes or activities. (There is one exception to this for me personally, and they hopefully know who they are!)

So roleplaying... Where to start....

I know, we'll pretend you paid like £20 for the following and it has a bright yellow cover and vaguely insults you even as you hand over the cash....

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Roleplaying For Dummies

• What is a roleplay?

According to Wikipedia (natch), RP "is where partners take parts in a drama with a strong sexual theme. These might include a teacher and pupil scenario, or an employer and maid, boss and secretary, besides other scenarios. These are common in ... anonymous forms of Cybersex." Hm. Interesting. (sic)

• But I can't roleplay, can I? I've had little-to-no training.

Anyone can roleplay, it's easy! You just need a good imagination and the ability to read and process words. Imagination is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the better it becomes.

• I have no imagination! I need ideas! What are the most common roleplays?

I'd say the most common roles I've played and seen played would include things such as:

- Teacher/Student

- Best friends

- Girl + Girl's sister's boyfriend (don't ask me!?)

- Neighbours (zzz zzz zzz)

- Celebrity Roles

- Historical Roles (e.g. Knight & Princess)

• Those all seem kinda tame... doesn't it get any kinkier?!

Well of course! Alongside those we have such things as:

- Incest Roles (Daddy/Daughter, Mum/Son, Siblings etc)

- Master/Slave (or Mistress)

- Futanari (Look it up, I'm not going there...)

- Force/Coercion/Rape

- Age play roles

- etc etc.

• That's a whole lot of choice! Should I agree to do anything she asks?

Good god, NO! First work out what you like and what turns you on. Then if you're lucky enough to be asked about your fantasies, reply promptly and shamelessly with what you're into. There is nothing worse than talking to a self-professed lover of roleplay only to be told he'll do "anything". This generally results in me claiming to be turned on by man/dog-gay-love. Or amputee-false-limb-invasion-of-man-holes. The word "anything" can get you to somewhere you didn't wanna go if you say it at the wrong time. Be warned!

Work out your limits. I have two sets of limits, some strict, some I'll let slide. On the strict side I will never do roles involving impregnation – cos imagining peeing a lil every time I cough for the rest of my life and 18 years of giving pocket money does little for me. Also I won't do scat (poo-related things). There are a few others too. It's not that I think there's anything wrong with any fantasy fetish (note the word fantasy there), but these things simply do not bring out a sexual reaction in me. Learn what you like and be proud of it!

• I just RP'd with someone who went "Slurp Slurp Slurp" at me. This seems lame...

Sadly this actually happened to a friend of mine while he was playing with a lady. And it is lame. Very lame. If your partner resorts to saying things such as that or phrases along the lines of "harder harder, faster faster", then send them to this page so they feel the shame they so richly deserve. We'll see some better examples below.

• So how do I actually "play"? Won't most of it be action based?

Yep. Well done you're learning fast. Have a celebratory wank. Just a lil one....

...that's enough.

Hopefully the chat site you're in will allow you to do actions. On one site, for instance, if you type "/me jumps", it will read "Fantasy Red jumps". Although whatever your name is, not mine. This will allow you to type your actions out in a better manner. If this isn't a feature of where you play, then I tend to put stars around my action to separate them from my speech in the game. *Jumps*. It's not as good, but oh well. *Curses*.

• Who starts? How do we start?

Generally when I play, because I know what I'm doing, I will enter a longish paragraph detailing myself, my looks, my dress, my location and my activity. For instance, a schoolgirl/teacher scene might start like this:

“Fantasy Red is in her school uniform, sat at her desk, flicking her long pigtails in boredom as she waits for her teacher to return as she sits in detention. Her long legs stretched out from under her obscenely short skirt, her clearly braless breasts tightly wrapped in her too-small blouse.”

It sets up quite enough to have a start to the scene, extra details about underwear, body parts can be put in as and when the time is right for them. Example:

“Fantasy Red feels so bad as her teacher rips open her blouse, exposing her small pert breasts, with their dark pink nipples sticking out so hard. She lifts her skirt showing that she was also pantiless as well as braless.”

Etc etc. Not my best work, but we don't need any distractions.

• Can I ask you to have bigger boobies as we play?

You can ask, but I'll feel quite insulted if you do. I do like some modicum of reality to enter into the situation despite its fantastical nature. If you're asking me to have insanely large breasts or proclaiming you've a 2 foot penis, then the fantasy is broken for me. Keep it grounded in reality in terms of physics and plausibility. Unless you're doing some weird-ass magic/sci-fi scene – if that's the case then the sky's the limit!

• So saying "then I put my dick in your gash" is sexy?

You're new to this blog aren't you?

• Wha?

Of course it's not sexy! It's up there with “slurp slurp slurp”. Silly boy. You didn't deserve that wank before at all! Give it back... Actually, keep it for now...

Let's take that god-awful line you said and try it with some more imagination.

Poor line "then I put my dick in your gash"

Good line “…takes his cock in his hand, feeling harder than he’s ever done before and rubs it slowly along your wetness. Teasing and taunting you with the promise of being filled, the head between your slick lips, you can feel me throb. I slip the head into the hole, feeling you so tight around me. I feel I might burst right there. But I continue to slide it in, oh so slowly, each inch making you desperate for more.”

Ok mine needs a little work, but I think you can see the difference. Imagine how it feels, how you move, what you want, what you want *them* to feel. Be thoughtful and detailed.

• How much detail is too much?

Well if you mention cellulite or trapped wind then you've gone too far. Way too far.

Seriously tho, my simple rule is usually to trade a few lines at a time, depending on your typing speed. Enough to keep the scene moving, but not too much to keep the other person waiting too long. If I can check my mail between my reply and yours, then you're taking too long and I'll end up playing Tetris or something, unless what they've put is so good I can read it over and over... But do read and take into account what they have said and give them time to say it.


Finally, say all you need to say before you hit ‘Enter’, or else they might start a reply only to have you change the direction with a new line before they send what they have. This gets very aggravating.

• How soon can I sex my partner?

This depends on the people involved. Personally I usually like a long build up til the sex, setting a scene, dialogue, flirting, bringing me to the boil. Anticipation can be sexier than the dirty talk. If you've pulled out your cock in the first 5 minutes then my interest wanes. Let it build naturally. There are exceptions tho.

• I forgot what we talked about earlier... can you recap.

Ok, but only once. So listen:

1. Find a partner you share interests with.
2. Be honest and open.
3. Use the ‘/me’ function or similar for actions if you can.
4. Set a scene you both like.
5. Be descriptive but don't turn each reply into a novel.
6. Read what they've put.
7. Don't jump to the end game too soon.

• OK I'm "done", can I go clean my keyboard and my immortal soul now?

If she has orgasmed too, then great. Say your goodbyes and thank yous and go fetch the Kleenex and your rosary. If not, keep on going til she's finished. Personally I like to know when I've made a guy orgasm as he does it, even if it does interrupt the fantasy.

• What happens if I need to speak outside the roleplay scenario, won't that break the mood?

If you need to discuss something real quick, mid-role, then I tend to use brackets to show that it's me talking to the other person, rather than my character talking to theirs. It's not vital, but to me it helps create the space to play in.

• OMG so so many rules! This seems hard work...

Honestly, it’s not, most of this is common sense and realising that the person at the other end is real and not some computer RPG character. They have likes and aims too.

• Wow! After reading this I *so* wanna stick my dick in *your* gash, can I RP with YOU?

Doubtful. I have a select group of people I play with, whose standards are high and who know what they're doing. If you're this new then I'd tired of you quickly I'm sure... Go practice!

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Now you're prepared for the exciting world of RP, keep both hands on the keyboard at all times.... only joking!

Red.