Amusical # 02 - If I Only Was A Perve

Well what with it being the weird bit between Christmas and New Years, we're all sitting round eating way too much and watching loads of old crappy films on TV. That being the case, it seems apt that I post this. After all who doesn't enjoy The Wizard of Oz. It's a fine film full of wonder and heart. But have you ever watched it and thought 'what this movie needs is a good dose of perverted licentiousness?'
No? Well I did, and this is what I came up with. You do kinda need to actually know the song to enjoy this properly. Let's see if youtube can help us there for those of us who are less cultured. Ah there it is.
Enjoy!

Redesign! Only not really.

It can't be every girl who sits and eats toast and marmite whilst redesigning her sex blog on a Friday morning at the ass end of the year. But here I am.

Ok just in passing I want to point this out quickly cos it rather annoys me, and as you all know I enjoy spreading the misery.

Blogger - Ran by Google
Chrome - Ran by Google
Chrome dictionary - refuses to recognise the word 'blog' as being a real word, and also it seems, the word blogger.

Go figure.

Anywho! The news! I've been messing about with the settings and so on to the following effects:

An XXXMAS Carol Part 6 - The Thrilling Climax

If you were unable to concentrate on Christmas for wondering what would happen in the final episode of this story, then here it is! Enjoy.

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five

An XXXMAS Carol 

VI - The Thrilling* Climax

*Thrilling for me anyway because I've finished it.

  Scroogella lay there staring up at her white ceiling, it glowed with the ambient white light which enters one's room the morning after a heavy snowfall heedless of how well drawn the curtains are. Had it all been a dream she asked herself as she lay there. Over all she decided that it had not. Three things gave it away to her. The first was that she was laying in bed naked. She had retired the previous evening in her freshly washed and pressed PJs. Now she was butt-ass naked. Scroogella had never slept naked in her entire life. 

What on earth is Curlers Porn?!

OK I was just bored and looking through my newly discovered stats page here in blogger. They've redesigned the back end so it's much nicer and easier to navigate. Not as nice as my back end, mind you...

Anywho. In the referring searches stats, i.e. what people have typed into google to end up at my page, there were two searches for "curlers porn". Now I'm absolutely fascinated as to what this might be! I'm too scared to google it myself, how it led to my work is a mystery.

An XXXMas Carol Part 5 - Scroogella Comes Around

Bah, Humbug! Xmas stuff getting in the way. Just because I'm related to you, I have to talk to you about things over tea? Grrr.

So here's another short part. They're getting shorter I know, but in fairness from meeting Eros to the end was meant to be one single part. Now it's going to be a few. So there you go. There might be errors by my ass aches. So there you go again.

An XXXMAS Carol 

V

  Casting all matters turnip related firmly aside, Scroogella turned to the David Beckham shaped God of Love and other related squelching matters with a look of extreme patience on her classically beautiful, not to mention utterly perfect face.
  "So . . ." she began, hoping that he would jump in at any moment with some kind of deep life lesson so she could get home to her warm bed and snuggle there until Christmas morning appeared. The god, however, was all at sea when it can to matters of tact and subtlety it seemed. 
  "Yes?" He asked her. "What's the matter?"
  Scroogella gave up and sat down on the mouldy cheese she had won for correctly identifying her latest companion on this most strange of Christmas Eve's.

Fill My Stocking! 10 Last Minute Fantastic* Sexy** Xmas Gifts

* None of the gifts below are fantastic.

** Nor are they sexy.

 Just in case you're stuck for that last minute gift for a friend, a loved one or even your partner, here are some wonderful ideas for that final stocking filler. It's a little late to order online now I guess, so you'll have to face the shameful ignomy and walk into real shops to buy them.

1 - The Strip Pen

Yet Even More Scroogella

I'm having some trouble getting this part finished to be honest, so here's a shortish part 4, with a concluding part 5 to come in the next day or two, if I get chance, which I shall try to. Double helping of Scroogella today then. You lucky, lucky idiots.

Part One   

Part Two    

Part Three

An XXXmas Carol

By Putya Dicksin.

IV

  "Oh my god!" Exclaimed Scroogella loudly. For she had just walked into an utterly nude David Beckham, football player extraordinaire.
  "I'm so sorry." She apologised quickly.
  "Chill-ax, baby," replied Mr Beckham in an easy tone.
  "But you're... you're..." Scroogella babbled, her gaze dropping to his crotch "and you're most definitely . . ."
  Scroogella lifted her eyes away firmly from Mr Beckham's prize. Although this was at least the eighth human penis she's seen that day, and indeed, in her entire life, she still wasn't quite used to them. The way they dangled unnerved her most terribly. They were like a marionette whose puppeteer had nipped off somewhere for a quick smoke.
  Scroogella flustered. Everything was too confusing. Just when she thought she'd gotten a grip on what had been happening to her, something new came along to entirely throw her off balance once more.
  "I just didn't see you there," Scroogella explained by way of an apology. "I didn't think you could move so quickly. People say you've lost a yard of pace these days. Why are you here anyway? Are you my guide? What's going on?"
  "Chill-ax, baby," Mr Beckham repeated with his trade mark, knicker-wetting smile.

Yet More Scroogella

For part one, click here

For part two, click here

An XXXmas Carol

By Putya Dicksin.

III

  "A porn star?!" Exclaimed Scroogella

  "Yuh-huh honey," replied the false fairy before her, "I'm gonna show ya how someone you know quite well will be spending this Christmas. "Let's go and see him now, whadda ya say?"

  Scroogella shrugged, she'd already seen more than enough sexual deviance for a lifetime, let alone a single day. Especially a day as precious and spiritual as Christmas. Also something else was bothering her about her new guide. Other than her badly dyed blonde hair, almost entirely visible bust, bright red lipstick and heels you could use to roast a whole oxen on. Some would have used the word vivacious. If they knew what it meant. Scroogella knew, but decided the words trashy whore fit this woman better. She did however seem a lot more animated than either Marley or Mr Herms had been.

  "Excuse me," Scroogella said most politely. "But I have to know. Are you dead?"

  The fairy clad actress rolled her eyes so dramatically she'd have won an award had she performed such a gesture on a daytime soap opera. 

Tell your friends! (and minor rant!)

  I want more people reading this blog!!!

  I've got twitter and all those things as my sidebar shows, but I don't know how to drag people here to join in the fun. I really don't have the time or the snazzy new-fangled £100 phone to spend half my day tweeting and jumping up and down in public view, I'm way too busy writing the short story collection atm. The blog share sites are just bullshit, blogs filled with people just spouting off about anything, only concerned about themselves. (ha!)
  I don't think mine's that bad. At least I put up some actual content rather than just what falls out of my head.
  I work hard for you people!

More Scroogella...

Well here's part two of an XXXmas Carol along with the smug announcement that I finished wrapping my gifts over a week ago now. Don't y'all hate me? Anywho, here's another festive picture as recompense, then onto the story. That's certainly a full looking sack Santa has there...

For part one, click here

An XXXmas Carol

By Putya Dicksin.

II

  When Marley's naked ghost had dissipated for the final time, Scroogella fell to her hands and knees and prayed to every deity whose existence she could remember in such trying times. The list was long and almost exhaustive. It also included most of the original line up of Take That, ET and Luke Skywalker.
  Feeling better for her devotions, Scroogella huddled back beneath her starched cotton sheets and began waiting passively for whatever was to come. After five minutes of this fretful, nail biting anticipatory waiting she grew bored and restless, so decided she might as well put this time to some good use. She had done four sudoku puzzles from the book of them she'd purchased to help keep her brain working in tip-top fashion as she'd heard mental puzzles greatly reduced the risk of suffering from alzheimer's disease later in life.